Growing Old Part 2 August 24, 2008

Well, here is part two!

Relating to the Young People

As you know, dear reader, relating to young people grows increasingly more difficult as you grow older. This is only a major problem if you happen to be a youth pastor. (Background information: Sarah is a youth pastor) Here are some pointers to help get you on your way to relating to young people:

• Research what they are into
• Listen to the music they like (If you have hearing aids, you are allowed to listen to the music at deafening levels so as to be able to actually hear it)
• Learn their language yo
• Do not be upset when they come to help you around the house, or mow your lawn (They are only trying to show you, the crotchety old person, the love of God in a practical way.)
• Don’t seclude yourself from them, they have a lot to teach you, (well, okay, maybe not) and vise versa
• A big way to earn bonus points with young people is to bake goodies.

Watch them carefully to find new ways of relating to them, you may develop meaningful relationships with a young person as you go old and gray.

And to close with another Scripture,

Job 9:25 “Now my days are swifter than a post: they flee away…”

 

Rights you Have in Old Age

It is always important to know what legal rights you have. Some rights vary by age and location, however, the rights given to old people are universal.

• The right to drive 15mph on any given road, and 10mph on the highway. If you are Sunday joy-riding, you may drive 8mph on any back road.
• The right to wear really, really old fashioned clothes.
• The right to cut your hair short and perm it.
• The right to soak yourself in perfume, this has often been beneficial when an old person gets lost as family members are able to sniff them out in a crowd.
• The right to pay for your groceries with change and super-duper stamps. (Background information: the Super Duper is a store we have here.)
• The right to make everyone impatient when you hold up a line.
• The right to not stand up in church when the pastor asks if “all would rise”
• The right to fall asleep in church. We understand you were “burning the midnight oil” last night at 8:30pm
• The right to get grumpy
• The right to sit all day watching the Food Network.

And we close with yet another Scripture:

Job 30:½ But now they that are younger than I have me in derision…”

 

You Know Your Getting Old When…

• Driving 35mph is considered speeding in most circles.
• You have the best car money can buy. (Yes, the myth is true, old people always have the best cars)
• You need a magnifying glass to clip your toenails.
• You go to bed at 7:00 p.m. and stay there until 9:00 a.m.
• You only watch the food network.
• You start a guest list for your funeral.
• People start asking if you can will your money to them.
• You personally know your great-great-great-great grandchildren.
• You get short of breath opening the telephone directory.
• You become exhausted when you wrestle with your conscience.
• When you sink your teeth into that steak and they stay there.
• Your back buckles more than your belt.
• When your back goes out more than you do… you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are… OLD!!!

Lamentations 3:4 “My flesh and my skin has he made old, he has broken my bones.” See there, you better start taking Boniva.

 

 

Closing Thoughts

Dear reader, the time has come to close this little book of ours. We hope to have provided you with some insight and/or calm or fears of old age. Do not worry, you will not be in old age very long… you will either die in old age or enter really old age. (30 years old)

 

I hope you enjoyed this!

Growing Old Part 1 August 24, 2008

Okay, before I post this first chapter from my book “Growing Old in a Young World” I need to give you some background information.

I have a really good friend, Sarah, who turned 20 a few months ago. I was teasing her about her “old age” a few weeks before her birthday and I told her I would buy her the “old age survival kit”. As our conversation progressed, I decided I was too cheap to buy her all the things she would need, so I told her I would buy her a book entitled “Growing Old in a Young World”, unfortunatly, no such book existed… until now! You see, this book was written by me for Sarah and given to her on her birthday. (Yes, we are still good friends, and don’t worry, she got back at me!)  (And another yes, my grandparents have read the whole thing and love it)

So because so many people have now read my book and thouroughly enjoyed it, I will make it available for the rest of my frinds to read! So here goes! Enjoy! (originally written in large print)

                                         Growing Old in a YOUNG World

 

 

                                                        A friendly guide to get you on your way.

 

Preface

 

Gentle reader, if you have this book in your hand, it is more than likely you are facing what we all dread in our teens, old age. How does one grow old in a world full of young people? This books hopes to provide advice as well as encouragement. The author has done an excellent job putting this book together for you, and I hope it blesses you and helps you along your journey in old age.

Someone the author knows very well

February 2008

 

 

Chapters

1. Items to have on hand

2. Relating the young people

3. Rights you have in old age

4. You know your really getting old when…

5. Closing thoughts

 

 

 

 

Items to have on hand

Gentle reader, this chapter describes what we like to call the “Old Age Survival Kit”. If one is to survive growing old in a young world*, it is necessary to have one of these kits. We hope you will take the advice and put one together as soon as you can. Your life may “depends” upon it!

First, gather a container of some sort in which to compile the items you do not need to have out every day. Then start gathering or purchasing these items:

• A pair of spectacles with bifocals
• A hearing aid (make sure you also have plenty of batteries, if you run out at any time, you will not be able to hear what others say about you.)
• A walking cane or stick
• A good pair of false teeth (If you are too cheap to buy a new pair, I find that garage sales are excellent places to find a good pair at a low cost. Just be sure to soak in bleach for a week or two.)
• SeaBond™ (To hold your false teeth securely in place)
• Start buying large print books and/or a Bible (and you thought the large print in this book was just a mistake!!)
• You may want to consider getting one of those handy necklaces you can use to call for help in case you fall down. Which brings me to my next point,
• Boniva™ To help build strong bones in case of falls
• Plenty of vitamins and minerals
• Plenty of 3×5 index cards. (In case you start forgetting what you went to the top of the stairs for, write everything on these cards!)
• A box or two of Depends™
• A box of Kleenex™ (For when you need to cry about your lost independence.)
• The number for the church youth group (For when your lawn needs mowed, etc.)
• A magnifying glass (For when drop your car keys and cannot see them on the floor)
• A respirator
• A hair coloring kit (to get rid of stubborn gray hairs)
• The Jitterbug Cell phone (you don’t need any do-dads or the bells and whistles anymore)
• A rocking chair

 

There are many more items you can add to this list, please add to it as you feel the need. Now, we will close this chapter with a scripture.

Joshua 13:½ “Now Joshua was old and stricken in years; and the LORD said to him, “You are old and stricken in years…”

*Claims have not been investigated, but research shows most people, even those having a survival kit, do not survive old age.

 

Coming soon! Part two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have You Heard Their Cry Today? August 23, 2008

Have you heard their cry today?

Did they smile at you as they turned to play?

Or did they hold out their pudgy hands to you,

asking for your love?

Have you heard their cry today?

 

Have you heard their cry today?

Did you stoop to kiss a scratched knee?

Or did you hear the pitter patter of childish steps,

sounding out around the house?

Have you heard their cry today?

 

Have you heard their cry today?

Did you hear their sweet voices,

calling out your name?

Or did you hear their beautiful laughter,

as you read them a story?

Have you heard their cry today?

 

Have you heard His cry today?

Did you see the Father’s face?

Or did you look into His loving eyes,

as tears streamed down His face?

Have you heard His cry today?

 

Have you heard His cry today?

Did you see Him hold that baby close?

Or did you see Him welcome that baby home to Heaven?

Have you heard their cry today?

 

Have you heard their cry today?

Their precious life on earth has been rejected

Can you hear them crying that human life should be protected?

Have you heard their cry today?